Ms. Lauryn Hill

Being a fan of Lauryn Hill is kind of a lose/lose proposition. You know there's probably no chance that she'll ever record more material, so even though you don't expect any rewards, you keep on hoping that the woman behind one of the best albums ever (yeah, I said ever) eventually comes back from the brink and reminds you what she's capable of. Sure, it's been over a decade since Miseducation, and no, you never actually made it through both discs of Unplugged, but dammit, she could maybe possibly be worth it someday again. Right? Right?

Here's the thing. Lauryn Hill gave the best concert I've ever seen. Outkast opened for her in Upper Darby, PA in 1998 or 9. She was electric and electrifying. I then saw he in 2003/4 on the Up in Smoke tour where she opened for Outkast and The Roots. She was, let's say...not very good. Her Wikipedia page is a stroll through fascinating messiness. She apparently keeps recording new music. Millions have been dropped by labels on her next studio album. Music pops up here and there. Every once in awhile she seems ready to tour again, but she usually manages one or two dates before canceling the rest of her shows.

So she announces she's touring again in 2011. What can I say? I got tickets. But I got sold out of her NY concerts, so I snagged them for a date in New Jersey. Complications: all of her shows have ticket times of 8:00. I have yet to hear of one show where she's taken the stage before midnight. There is no way to get back to Manhattan from Montclair, NJ by public transportation at 2:00 in the morning. I try to sell the tickets and fail. Fuck it. I rent a car. I haven't driven in two years, but based on reports of her New York dates, this will AT LEAST be compelling.

And it was.

Taking the stage at 12:15 (we smartly didn't aim to arrive until about 11:30), Lauryn--I'm sorry, Ms. Lauryn Hill as she now bills herself--opened with a ten or so minute version of Bob Marley's "Loving Jah." Her voice sounded solid, even if she looked a little worse for the wear. Not so much appearance wise as her actual behavior and physicality. She started mopping herself off about 30 seconds into the concert and continued to do so all the way through. She looked frantic as she spastically directed the band and angry as she gestured repeatedly at the sound technician. It was like sound check as performance art. And it was...uncomfortable.

Before launching into her second song, "Lost Ones," she announced that she would be performing classics. Loud applause. But she'd be doing totally new versions of them. "Let's see if you can recognize them." Crickets. Since she's been singing the same songs forever, she told us, she needed to keep them fresh so she could feel the music. Girlfriend, please. You've been mostly off the scene for 12 years. When's the last time you performed these songs as they were written? The 90's?

Fidgety, temperamental, and possessing enough diva attitude to keep Aretha Franklin AND Barbra Streisand on their toes, Lauryn played seemingly endless versions of her hits with a massive band offering an almost rock music background sound. By the end of song 2, people were in coats and on their way out the door. The exodus would continue throughout the night.

Hill's fascinating as the megastar who was broken by fame. She radiates a toughness so huge that it seems impossible that it's not covering a serious fragility or, less optimistically, a drug problem. I only saw her for an hour or two, but she's either really crazy or coked to the gills. I actually suspect the former, that she's someone who lost her shit when she got super-famous and wanted nothing more than to take it all back. Certainly, her performance indicated that she was in this series of shows for the money, not for the joy. Because the only time she managed to crack a smile was when she stood back and let her band take some solos.

I confess: I didn't make it to the end of the show. I lasted longer than about a third of the audience, but by quarter to 2:00 and only six or seven songs in, I wanted to hop back in the car and make the trek back to Manhattan. After a 10 or 12 minute version of "Ex-Factor" finally wound down, she said, "Let's do it again." And did. In a slower, more appealing version. 20 minutes is an awfully long time to dwell on one pop song.

When it comes down to it, if Lauryn wanted her fans back AND wanted to feel the music, she could have compromised and done a few songs the old way, a few the new way, and then some new material. Compromise was NOT on the menu. Hell, she could have just announced that she was doing rearranged versions of her old songs so people knew what to expect. If this tour did anything for her career, it simply drove another nail in the coffin. She will always have an audience, but she needs to settle on what kind of music she actually wants to do and stop riding her hits for cash if she hates them as much as it seems.

I'm still rooting for Lauryn Hill after this concert, but instead of rooting for her to come back strong, I'm more simply hopeful that she can find some peace.